harnessing all the business savvy i've got

i'm midway through craft, inc: turn your creative hobby into a business. i highly recommend it. an excellent balance of practical advice and personal success stories. i like myth 5 in the creative mythology section: you need to wait for the "right time" to start your creative business. this little mythical morsel makes me feel better about what i'm doing with my life right now. also, check out author meg mateo ilasco's website while you're at it.

other sources of inspiration today: smarts & crafts (especially the pin board section), rainn wilson's twitter feed, vicky christina barcelona, and old school django reinhardt.

finishing, maintaining, and starting fresh

that's me.

though i didn't run fast, i finished my half-marathon, which is all that mattered to me, really. i'm not sure if i'm cut out for a full 26.2 miles, but i'm ready to sign up for another 13.1. it's nice to have something to train for; a goal.

now that it's over, i'm moving on to other goals. finishing things, starting things, picking things up after a little break, (or a longer one...)

in my previous post, i talked about follow through, how running the half-marathon has helped me follow through in other parts of my life. i'm still working on the hard parts. they'll be hard for a while. if i can chip away at my goals, though, i think i might be all right.

way back at the beginning of may, (eons ago) i went to G & M's yoga retreat in mendocino. G is a phenomenal yoga instructor. lighthearted, thoughtful, meditative, comfortable. he pushes you just enough to let you discover things for yourself, in mind and body.

there were a few things that really hit home while we were there.

small steps. G relayed a story about a friend who is a seasoned backpacker. how do you go as far as you do, G asked. how do you stay so balanced and calm and strong, he wondered. small steps the friend responded. when i get frustrated and stuck, i start thinking about the big picture and i lose sight of all the small steps needed to get there. the small steps are manageable.

don't expect to be happy all the time. i've struggled with depression my entire life and with each bout i go through, i learn more about myself, about how to deal with it. the past 8 months or so have been the longest i've gone without having a serious lapse. during the last practice in mendocino, we lay in corpse pose and G talked about his grandmother, who told him, "don't expect to be happy all the time." i'm not sure where it comes from, but i've always expected everything to be...happy. more and more, i'm realizing that we don't have to be happy all the time. knowing this serves as some sort of acceptance. like a sigh of relief.

i left the farm in mendocino feeling more like myself that i have in a long while. a fresh start, really.

run, run, run!

i purposefully haven't written about running on this blog because i've done so on two previous, less tended to blogs (amazing, right, that a blog could be less tended to than this one). the first was an actual attempt of a full on running blog, called "i've never been a runner." after two entries, weeks and months drifted on with no change in my running or writing habits. then, last year i wrote about running on the blog section of my website. i started with a purpose, a half marathon in SLC, but got sick and busy and stopped. essentially, i've lacked follow through in a big way.

so, where does that leave me now? i'm four weeks away and 12 miles deep into training for the see jane run half marathon in alameda, CA on may 30th. R and i have been training. R and M are flying in for the weekend, and the four of us are running together. i am beyond excited, for many reasons.

1) if you've kept up with my blog, you know that i am looking for work, stressed and anxious at times, striving to stay optimistic and constantly contemplating the sometimes overgrown and hard to find paths in front of me. i think, a lot. too much sometimes. thus, running has been an amazing outlet for me the past couple months. it's nearly free (a pair of running shoes and my little ipod shuffle to keep me company) and when i feel frustrated, stuck, skeptical, i run. there are days where all i want to do scream, but i lace up my kicks instead, turn on some interpol, maybe some talking heads, my newest favorite - starf****r, and usually, within a mile or two, my head feels unbelievably clearer. it's like a neti-pot in allergy season.

2) i finally feel comfortable writing about this since i've hit the 10+ mile mark. i've gotten to the point where i get bummed out if i realize that i'm not going to be able to squeeze a run into my day.

3) (i've lost track of why i needed numbers in here, but i'll go with it anyhow) the follow through. the motivation i've gained from running is leaking out to other parts of my life, if not all of them. if i can follow through with this, i can follow through with this blog, with my personal website, with my artwork, with my relationships. it's all connected.

now that my secret is out, that you all know about my secret running discovery, the door's open. the creative upturn just got a kickstart and i'll keep the updates coming.

crossing things off lists.

way to go MTV for picking up something a little different. a reality show with a twist and a defiantly optimistic message. watch the trailer below.

the hard part

i won't lie: the past couple weeks have felt like a stand still. for a while, my little head was spinning with ideas. still is, sort of. i know that i'm getting to the point where the ideas need to turn into something tangible, though, something concrete.

this is the hard part.

i take a photography class on monday nights at the san francisco art institute. it always seems like a chore to physically get out the door, but as soon as i turn the corner onto valencia and head across town, my headspace does a 180. pirate cat radio has a great show monday nights (the ice cream and cake show). the sun's usually just set. and when i drive over the crest on lombard, looking over the bay, i know i'm in the right place.

i pour myself a glass of wine when i get home and i start to let my guard down. after critique and conversation in class, i realize that not everything has to be perfect. in fact, it might just be better if things aren't perfect. i start to turn the negative self-critic into a more positive one. i start thinking about what i can do.


current images:

standing still

R is my photo project guinea pig. i met up with her today at SF general medical center for her lunch break. if you haven't checked out my newest project, stillness in chaos, you should. i am currently working on images of people standing still amidst chaos. so far, this project has been in the initial stages; thinking and writing and brainstorming and such. today, i felt things gel more than they have been. walking to the hospital, i was thinking about how, at this point in the project, i need to shoot, shoot, shoot. i got to the lobby a few minutes before R, and i'm glad that i got to be the observer for a minute or two. people rushed through the hall in waves, as the elevator doors opened, as the bus pulled up outside. some people carried balloons, bright colored gift bags. others shuffled in slowly with the help of crutches. more than a few mumbled to themselves, wheeling carts full of belongings. a man napped across from me.

when R got downstairs, she sighed: busy morning. i asked her to take few deep breaths, roll her shoulders a bit. we waited for elevator doors to open and then R stood peacefully as doctors and nurses and therapists and patients and visitors rushed by on their lunch breaks.

here's a sneak peek:

thankful

what are you thankful for?

during our closing meeting at A last night, B asked us to go around and share one thing we're thankful for in our lives. in such a stressful economic climate, it's so easy to get sucked into negativity, but what about all those things we still have? "i still have my job and i am so grateful. so many of my friends have been laid off and i'm still working...i can pay my rent. i have an adorable dog. and i have all you guys."

when my turn came around, i said something to the extent of this: i am thankful for positive thinking. i am thankful for lots of things, but one of the invigorating things about this time that we are living in, is that so many people are taking a step back and reassessing the important things in their lives. we might not be able to live as extravagantly as we want to, we might realize that the material goods we consume (a bit of a cache 22 working in retail...)* aren't our livelihood. we have friends and family. we have creativity. we have the mountains and the beach, the sky and the ocean.

i may have added that last line about the mountains and the beach and the sky and the ocean, but i like it anyhow. i think i said that i am thankful for A, even though I only work there a few days a week. it does give me a tiny bit of structure in my otherwise sporadic life.

i am thankful for B's optimism. thank you, B, for allowing us to be consciously thankful.


*a note about working at A, however. i truly believe that it's a company based on more than a basic consumer culture. the art and atmosphere of the store make the experience something beyond the stuff that fills it's walls, which is very cool.

design*sponge: inspirational AND resourceful

leave it to design*sponge to create a GREAT resource for small businesses and freelancers. i've thoroughly enjoyed the biz ladies series. in existence since 2006, i can't believe i've only just discovered it.

coffee bar

i am a coffee nut. the quality of the beans is important, but even more so: the atmosphere. can i sit here and drink coffee and be inspired for hours on end? yes. enter coffee bar. my new favorite remote office. high ceilings, good light, concrete floors, big industrial lights, a combo of motown and downtempo hip-hop streaming from the speakers. it's crowded and busy, but you have a little space to spread out, sit cross-legged on the long wooden bench. essentially, it's a little piece of freelance heaven. thank you, coffee bar, for existing in my world without an office.

coffee bar, 1890 bryant st, san francisco, CA (415) 551-8100

exhibit c

my situation made the front page of the new york times saturday. not me, personally, though a very familiar story: "tired of looking for work, some create their own," by matt richtal and jenna wortham. definitely worth a read.

the economy: where were you in 2008?

lately, my sentiments about the world we live in have been resonating in a variety of mediums.

exhibit a: thomas friedman's column in the NY times last week, "the inflection is near," echoes a positive spin on our impending economic situation. maybe we've gone too far with...everything. maybe we all need to take a step back and rethink the way we are consuming, the way we are living our lives.

We must have growth, but we must grow in a different way. For starters, economies need to transition to the concept of net-zero, whereby buildings, cars, factories and homes are designed not only to generate as much energy as they use but to be infinitely recyclable in as many parts as possible. Let’s grow by creating flows rather than plundering more stocks.

watching the news and reading the paper, checking blogs and talking with equally concerned friends, i frequently think about my grandmother, who lived through the great depression. she still cleans her plate, among other things, and i wonder what remnents 2008 will leave us with. clearly, i'm hoping for the best, but i do agree that we must take an analytical and critical frame of mind.

exhibit b: i sat next to a woman and her two young kids on my flight from seattle to sun valley last thursday. we chatted the entire 2 hour flight and i somehow found myself talking over my future with her. i've already started to think about different ways to go about making enough money to keep a roof over my head, but talking this over with a complete stranger made me think about it in a slightly different way. i can't exactly pinpoint what changed when i talked to her. maybe having someone entirely removed from my situation re-emphasized my ambitions to go about things differently. the same isn't working anymore, she told me. we have to decide what's important in our lives and find a way to make it work. we can't compromise. we might have to find a different way to make things happen, but we can't let society force us to compromise what we want.

positivity and miscellaneous bits of inspiration

i am trying to stay positive.

i think i've done a relatively good job, considering i have no money and haven't had a full-time job since mid-october. i go through waves. yesterday was a very low wave. i had no motivation. i paid $350 to get the windshield wiper motor fixed on my car. i felt lost. i have plenty of small projects to work on: a revamped portfolio, a couple website updates, cover letters, cover letters and more cover letters. normally, i can get things done, at least a little bit. not yesterday. and i suppose you can't dwell on those days. you just have to hope that tomorrow will be better.

i woke up at 5:00am this morning. just...awake. i've already gotten more done in the 4 hours i've been up than i did all day yesterday. throughout my schooling, my mom would tell me "bird by bird," after anne lamott's book. sometimes i get so overwhelmed by everything, that i forget about all the easy (and sometimes not so easy) steps along the way. you just have to cross one thing off the list at a time. bird by bird.

in other news, i found this gem on apartment therapy this morning:


it's one of artist frank chimero's state prints and as a tribute to my homeland, i LOVE the above print. you can buy them on his website for $20.

if i weren't completely broke, mine would be in the mail.

beds are important

somehow, a good looking bed is essential for my mental well being (perhaps part of my obsession with perfection and/or high standards). if my bed looks good, i sleep better. see the above picture of my quasi-new bed. duvet and shams are old school isaac mizrahi for target and i jazzed them up with red pillows from ikea. and, of course, i sleep best under the mountains. even if they're pixelated.

high standards

i work part-time in a clothing store. a big clothing store. i'm relatively new there; about 3 months. and the other night, when we were closing the store, one of the managers asked me why i had such high standards. did i work somewhere really strict?

no. that's just the way i am. everything has to be perfect. i like my closet when all the shoes line up and my tee shirts are all folded the same width and color coordinated. i don't know why. throughout my schooling, i would have "bad handwriting days." if i wrote something and thought it didn't look perfect, i would erase it and re-write it. freak. of. nature.

i go back and forth between thinking that this behavior is all right and thinking that i am a perfectionist to a fault. the thing is, it's not the end of the world if an ugly page exists in one of my notebooks. i just feel more content if everything is just right.

how do i make sure that i am using my high standards for good and not evil?

addendum: www.1000journals.com

i forgot to mention 1000 journals in the post below. a collaborative, interactive project. exactly the kind of thing i am interested in right now. and i am dying to get a hold of one, to make my little mark.

networking and a museum

i have never been a good networker. my friend S? great, networker. if they gave a pulitzer or nobel for networking, she would win, hands down. i, on the other hand, have always felt weird asking people i don't know (and those i do, actually) for help. i get awkward and shy. then i stress over what i did wrong and dread the next step. in the past week, though, something's come over me and i have miraculously sucked it up. i've actually been looking for connections.

my outlook has changed. taking a few classes has put me back in an academic mode and i remember that all of this, (meaning, my life, really) is a learning experience. what can i learn from you? and you? and you. that's the way i'm looking at things right now.

and while i was in an academic, curious state of mind today, i wandered to the museum of modern art.

here's a highlight:


it's from this fantastically moving project and i stood in front of this image for a long time. something about the woman, her expression, hit me right in my core.

tweet tweet

do you tweet? twitter, that is.

i do, sometimes. a friend asked what the point was and i wasn't really sure how to answer. new york mag has a great article profiling the company "how tweet it is."

i suggest we all take notes.

it's good to have people look out for you

i am really, really bad at self-promotion. luckily, i have people around me who know this.

two things, (maybe more) about today: (1) my good friend C is extremely business savvy and she graciously gives me advice. today's homework for our next "meeting" is to write down things i am doing to promote my website and services. AND list the services i offer. since i normally just DO things, without really organizing them in a business-like manner, these are extremely helpful exercises. (2) L and i go way back. she's very charismatic, in the spotlight, multitalented, and (most importantly, to me anyway) so willing to help and inspire everyone around her. it's contagious. she's asked me to write a piece on her blog about taking the big leap in your life and inspiring others in the process. cool. very cool.

in addition, (told you there would be more), i went to a critique of my new photo project tonight and felt comfortable speaking about my work. speaking about my work has always been a challenge. workshops, actually, have always been a challenge. in the past, i've always taken workshop criticism personally, and i am starting to learn that having people criticize your work makes it better, (newsflash). if it were perfect, it would be hanging in a museum.

so make it better, right?

a whole new mind

i read daniel pink's a whole new mind a couple years ago and found it to be particularly provocative. after rereading it last month, i think it's only becoming more pertinent. there's a flurry of press about it and it really emphasizes my thoughts about the importance of creativity.

clarification

i thought i should clarify the title of this blog. i don't want to imply that there is a creative downturn happening in addition to the economic downturn. rather, i'm curious how this economic downturn will affect creative occupations and thought processes. how are we going to use creativity to turn negative to positive?

the creative downturn

i am creative. i am bright. i am resourceful. and i am unemployed.

i'm not alone, am i?

i moved from the country to the city about three months ago in hopes of finding a broader range of creative input. this part has proven true. while i haven't found a place to go everyday from 9 to 5 (at least not a place that will pay me), i've found that stimuli i was searching for. the hard part now, i suppose, is finding some way to put all the pieces together.

before i continue on my pity party, i should probably clarify that i'm not entirely "unemployed." i work as a freelance graphic designer. i like what i do, but right now, this path is very isolated. i want a group of like-minded people to work with. earlier today, i was working from home, growing completely frustrated with a project. photoshop kept freezing on me. i was distracted by my gmail inbox, waiting for an email from one of the many jobs@ourcompany.com addresses i'd sent my resume to. so i plugged some interpol in my ears and went for a run. i sprinted for about 10 minutes. then jogged for another five. ran up a lot hills. push ups. wall sits. tv watchers. and somehow the sweat knocked some sense into me.

when i got home, i started talking to my roommate about my frustration. throughout the conversation, i realized that (1) my path has never been a straight line. (2) finding a "career," an "occupation" isn't going to be a stay-between-the-lines journey either. (3) as a creative person, i have a responsibility to find a new way to make a living.

who's with me?

i hope to find a little support group of other creative minds, who are also looking for new solutions to this old problem, this economic downturn. creativity, i think, might be the solution.